Thursday, September 25, 2008

I can't believe you live there, either!

Oh, wedding shower. Damn.

Lesbian slumber party or wedding shower?

So what's this all about, then?

In the past, when I relied solely on my custom domain and @yahoo addresses for email, I rarely received messages intended for others. Yes, the spam always found its way into my inbox. But honest-to-goodness emails from real humans intended to go to someone else? Rare.

But once I set up my @gmail account, using my first initial and my (apparently semi-common) last name, the crap started flowing. I now get messages for Cindy, or Candy, or Chuck. Whatever.

It wouldn't be a big deal and I wouldn't be posting it if much of this junk didn't routinely come from a handful of people that I have attempted to contact. My emails explaining that I am not, in fact, their relative but instead some guy they do not know seem to fall on deaf, or perhaps slightly mentally challenged, ears.

Also, these emails are so consistent in their ridiculousness. Forwarded stories that were debunked by years ago, or lame updates of old jokes with the latest liberal political figures as the punchline, or religion-for-retards folksy bullshit. No one ever mistakenly sends me top secret plans or photos of scantily-clad attractive people. Nope. Just kittens and bible verses.

Instead of just deleting them, I'm going to start posting these emails on this blog. I make no guarantees that they'll be interesting or funny. I do promise that, when taken as a whole, they will help remind you that we as Americans are surrounded by some truly unintelligent people.

Cindy Candy Chuck Chris

Women are so flighty!

Sadly, AOL's email servers have no anti-irony filter.

Let's put the "god" back in "unbe-goddamned-lievable"

-----Original Message-----
To: xxxxxxx@LA.GOV;;;;;;;;;
Sent: Wed, 17 Sep 2008 4:58 pm
Subject: Fwd: FW: Memorial
-----Original Message----- 
From: Butch Passman  
Sent: Wed, 17 Sep 2008 4:32 pm 
Subject: FW: Memorial 

HI Mitch…thought you would appreciate this too.

Subject: Memorials 
 I found this interesting enough to pass 
 along, please read. 
 This should make it 'around' until 
 everyone wakes up! 
 Today I went to visit the new World War II Memorial in Washington, DC I got an unexpected history les son Because I'm a baby boomer, I was one of the youngest in the crowd. Most were the age of my parents, Veterans of 'the greatest war,' with their families. It was a beautiful day, and people were smiling and happy to be there. Hundreds of us milled around the memorial, reading the inspiring words of Eisenhower and Truman that are engraved there. 

 On the Pacific side of the memorial, a group of us gathered to read the words President Roosevelt used to announce the attack on Pearl Harbor: 
 Yesterday, December 7, 1941-- a date which will live in infamy--the United States of America was suddenly and deliberately attacked. 

 One elderly woman read the words aloud: 
 'With confidence in our armed forces, with the abounding determination of our people, we will gain the inevitable triumph.' 
 But as she read, she was suddenly turned angry. 'Wait a minute,' she said, 'they left out the end of the quote.. They left out the most important part. Roosevelt ended the message with 'so help us God.' 
 Her husband said , 'You are probably right. We're not supposed to say things like that now.' 
  'I know I'm right,' she insisted. 'I remember the speech.' The two looked d ismayed, shook their heads sadly and walked away 
 Listening to their conversation, I thought to myself, Well, it has been over 50 years she's probably forgotten.' 
 But she had not forgotten. She was right. 
 I went home and pulled out the book my book club is reading --- 'Flags of Our Fathers' by James Bradley. It's all about the battle at Iwo Jima.  I haven't gotten too far in the book. It's tough to read because it's a graphic description of the WWII battles in the Pacific. 

 But right there it was on page 58. Roosevelt's speech to the nation ends in 'so help us God.' 
 The people who edited out that part of the speech when they engraved it on the memorial could have fooled me. I was born after the war! But they couldn't fool the people who were there. Roosevelt's words are engraved on their hearts 
 Send this around to your friends People nee d to kno w before everyone forgets. 
 People today are trying to change the history of America by leaving God out of it, but the truth is, God has been a part of this nation, sinc e the beginning. He still wants to be...and He always will be! 
 If you agree, pass this on. If not, 'May God Bless YOU!' 
 'Wake up AMERICA, It's Time we take our Country Back'

Hah, yer fat.


Obama! He's so DUMB!