Unintended Recipient

Good luck pulling up a "NASA page on the Internet" with your RAZR, jackass.

2009-09-11T12:05:00.000-07:00

From: Marti XXXXX
Sent: Friday, May 29, 2009 11:10 AM
Subject: Fwd: Cowboy Bud

A cowboy named Bud was overseeing his herd in a remote mountainous pasture in California when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced out of a dust cloud towards him.

The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, RayBan sunglasses and YSL tie, leans out the window and asks the cowboy, "If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, Will you give me a calf?"

Bud looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, "Sure, Why not?"

The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer, connects it to his Cingular RAZR V3 cell phone, and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo.

The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg , Germany. Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses an MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, receives a response.

Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet printer and finally turns to the cowboy and says, "You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves."

"That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves," says Bud.

He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on amused as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car.

Then the Bud says to the young man, "Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?"

The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, "Okay, why not?"

"You're a Congressman for the U.S Government", says Bud.

"Wow! That's correct," says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?"

"No guessing required." answered the cowboy. "You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked. You tried to show me how much smarter than me you are; and you don't know a thing about cows...this is a herd of sheep. .

Now give me back my dog.

That Devil...he's SO CLEVER!

2009-09-11T12:03:00.000-07:00

-----Original Message-----
From: James XXXXX
To: Betty xxxxx
Sent: Fri, Aug 14, 2009 10:57 pm
Subject: FW: Satan's Meeting!!!!!!

--- On Fri, 8/14/09, xxxxx, Jack CMSgt USAF xxxxx xxxxx xxxxx <xxxxx@xxxxx.af.mil> wrote:

From: xxxxx, Jack CMSgt USAF xxxxx xxxxx xxxxx <xxxxx@xxxxx.af.mil>
Subject: FW: Satan's Meeting!!!!!!
Date: Friday, August 14, 2009, 2:02 PM

WOW, THIS IS VERY DEEP. PAY ATTENTION TO EVERY WORD!!!!!!

Satan called a worldwide convention of demons.

In his opening address he said,

"We can't keep Christians from going to church."

"We can't keep them from reading their Bibles and knowing the truth...."

"We can't even keep them from forming an intimate relationship with Their SAVIOR."

"Once they gain that connection with JESUS, our power over them is Broken."

"So let them go to their churches; let them have their covered dish dinners, BUT steal their time, so they don't have time to develop a relationship With JESUS CHRIST.."

"This is what I want you to do," said the devil:

"Distract them from gaining hold of their SAVIOR and maintaining that Vital connection throughout their day!"

"How shall we do this?" his demons shouted.

"Keep them busy in the non-essentials of life and invent innumerable Schemes to occupy their minds," he answered....

"Tempt them to spend, spend, spend, and borrow, borrow, borrow.."

"Persuade the wives to go to work for long hours and the husbands to work 6-7 days each week, 10-12 hours a day, so they can afford their empty Lifestyles."

"Keep them from spending time with their children."

"As their families fragment, soon, their homes will offer no escape from The pressures of work!"

"Over-stimulate their minds so that they cannot hear that still, small voice."

"Entice them to play the radio or I-Pod whenever they drive.." To Keep the TV, DVDs, CDs and their PCs going constantly in their home and see To it that every store and restaurant in the world plays non-biblical music Constantly."

"This will jam their minds and break that union with CHRIST."

"Fill the coffee tables with20magazines and newspapers."

"Pound their minds with the news 24 hours a day."

"Invade their driving moments with billboards."

"Flood their mailboxes with junk mail, mail order catalogs, sweepstakes, and Every kind of newsletter and promotional offering free products, services And false hopes."

"Keep skinny, beautiful models on the magazines and TV so their husbands Will believe that outward beauty is what's important, and they'll Become dissatisfied with their wives. "

"Keep the wives too tired to love their husbands at night."

"Give them headaches too! "

"If they don't give their husbands the love they need, they will begin to Look elsewhere.."

"That will fragment their families quickly!"

"Give them Santa Claus to distract them from teaching their children the Real meaning of Christmas."

"Give them an Easter bunny so they won't talk about HIS resurrection And power over sin and death..."

"Even in their recreation, let them be excessive."

"Have them return from their recreation exhausted."

"Keep them too busy to go out in nature and reflect on GOD'S creation. Send them to amusement parks, sporting events, plays, concerts, and movies Instead."

"Keep them busy, busy, busy!"

"And when they meet for spiritual fellowship, involve them in gossip and Small talk so that they leave with troubled consciences."

"Crowd their lives with so many good causes they have no time to seek Power from JESUS."

"Soon they will be working in their own strength, sacrificing their health And family for the good of the cause.."

"It will work!"

"It will work!"

It was quite a plan!

The demons went eagerly to their assignments causing Christians everywhere To get busier & more rushed, going here & there.

Having little time for their GOD or their families.

Having no time to tell others about the power of JESUS to change lives.

I guess the question is, has the devil been successful in his schemes?

You be the judge!!!!!

Does "BUSY" mean: B-eing U-nder S-atan's Y-oke?

Please pass this on, if you aren't too BUSY!

I don't think I know 10 people who would admit they love JESUS.

Do You Love HIM?

Miracles: Part 3

2009-03-20T12:54:00.000-07:00

From: Catherine xxxxx
To: xxxxx@ariesmarine.com; Ellen xxxxx; xxxxx@aol.com; 'Debbie xxxxx'; xxxxx@gmail.com
Sent: Friday, January 23, 2009 6:46 AM
Subject: FW: Prayer for Finances (it works)

It can’t hurt…gotta try :)

God has more than a thousand Ways to provide for us, that we know nothing about. Here is your financial blessing!

It's a simple prayer, you got 30 Seconds?

Don't sleep on this...Someone recently read this for the first time and Received exactly enough for a $0 balance on all credit cards.

If you need a financial blessing, continue reading this e-mail.

Heavenly Father, most Gracious and Loving God, I pray to you that you Abundantly bless my family and me. I know that you recognize, that a Family is more than just a mother, father, sister, Brother, husband and Wife, but all who believe and trust in You.

GOD, I send up a prayer request for Financial blessing for not only the Person who sent this to me, But for me and all that I have forwarded This message on to. And that the power of joined prayer by those who Believe and trust in you is more powerful than anything.! I thank you in Advance for your blessings. God, deliver the person reading this right Now from debt and debt burdens.

Release your Godly wisdom that I may be a Good steward over all that you Have given me GOD, for I know how Wonderful and mighty you are and how If we just obey you and walk in your word And have the faith of a Mustard seed that you will pour out blessings.

I thank you now Lord for The recent blessings I have received and for The blessings yet to come, Because I know you are not done with me yet.

In Jesus name Amen

TAKE 60 SECONDS and send this o n quickly and within hours, you will have Caused a multitude of people to pray to God for each other.

Then sit Back and watch the power of God work in your life for doing the thing That you know He loves.Peace and Blessings....

Have Faith 8 angels are sent 2 you,
You must send them to 8 people including me.
In 8 minutes you will receive something you have long awaited.

________________________________
A Good Credit Score is 700 or Above. See yours in just 2 easy steps!

Miracles: Part 2

2009-03-20T12:50:00.000-07:00

From: james xxxxx
Subject: FW: The Devil Paid
Date: Wednesday, March 11, 2009, 9:19 AM

There was a little old lady, who every morning. stepped onto her front porch, raised her arms to the sky, and shouted: 'PRAISE THE LORD!'

One day an atheist moved into the house next door.

He became irritated at the little old lady.

Every morning he'd step onto his front porch after her and yell: 'THERE IS NO LORD!'

Time passed with the two of them carrying on this way every day.

One morning, in the middle of winter, the little old lady stepped onto her front porch and shouted: 'PRAISE THE LORD! Please Lord, I have no food and I am starving, provide for me, oh Lord!

The next morning she stepped out onto her porch and there were two huge bags of groceries sitting there.

'PRAISE THE LORD!' she cried out. 'HE HAS PROVIDED GROCERIES FOR ME!'

The atheist neighbor jumped out of the hedges and shouted:
'THERE IS NO LORD; I BOUGHT THOSE GROCERIES!!'

The little old lady threw her arms into the air and shouted: 'PRAISE THE LORD! HE HAS PROVIDED ME WITH GROCERIES AND MADE THE DEVIL PAY FOR THEM!'

SMILE AND PASS THIS ON.

--------------------------------------------------
Windows Live™: Discover 10 secrets about the new Windows Live

Miracles: Part 1

2009-03-20T12:48:00.000-07:00

From: Germaine@xxxxx.com
To: xxxxx@bellsouth.net; xxxxx@msn.com; xxxxx@dow.com; xxxxx@aol.com; xxxxx@gmail.com; xxxxx@hotmail.com
Sent: Wed, 28 Jan 2009 8:26 am
Subject: FW: Miracles do happen

The cure for ignorance is free, but the cost of ignorance is infinite.

A little girl went to her bedroom and pulled a glass jelly jar from its hiding place in the closet.

She poured the change out on the floor and counted it carefully. Three times, even The total had to be exactly perfect. No chance here for mistakes.

Carefully placin g the coins back in the jar and twisting on the cap, she slipped out the back door and made her way 6 blocks to Rexall's Drug Store with the big red Indian Chief sign above the door.

She waited patiently for the pharmacist to give her some attention, but he was too busy at this moment.
Tess twisted her feet to make a scuffing noise. Nothing. She cleared her throat with the most disgusting sound she could muster. No good Finally she took a quarter from her jar and banged it on the glass counter. That did it!

'And what do you want?' the pharmacist asked in an annoyed tone of voice.. I'm talking to my brother from Chicago whom I haven't seen in ages,' he said without waiting for a reply to his question.

'Well, I want to talk to you about my brother,' Tess answered back in the same annoyed tone. He's
really, really sick...and I want to buy a miracle.'

I beg your pardon said the pharmacist..

'His name is Andrew and he has something bad growing inside his head and my Daddy says only a miracle can save him now So how much does a miracle cost?'

'We don't sell miracles here, little girl. I'm sorry but I can't help you,' the pharmacist said, softening a little.

'Listen, I have the money to pay for it. If it isn't enough, I will get the rest. Just tell me how much it costs.'

The pharmacist's brother was a well dressed man He stooped down and asked the little girl, 'What kind of a
miracle does your brother need?'

' I don't know,' Tess replied with her eyes welling up. I just know he's really sick and Mommy says he needs an operation. But my Daddy can't pay for it, so I want to use my money.'

'How much do you have?' asked the man from Chicago

'One dollar and eleven cents,' Tess answered barely audibly.

'And it's all the money I have, but I can get some more if I need to.'

'Well, what a coincidence,' smiled the man. 'A dollar and eleven cents---the exact price of a miracle for little brothers. '

He took her money in one hand and with the other hand he grasped her mitten and said 'Take me to where you live. I want to see your brother and meet your parents. Let's see if I have the miracle you need.'

That well dressed man was Dr. Carlton Armstrong, a surgeon, specializing in neuro-surgery. The operation was completed free of charge and it wasn't long until Andrew was home again and doing well.

Mom and Dad were happily talking about the chain of events that had led them to this place.

'That surgery,' her Mom whispered. 'was a real miracle. I wonder how much it would have cost?'

Tess smiled. She knew exactly how much a=2 0miracle cost..one dollar and eleven cents....plus the faith of a little child.

In our lives, we never know how many miracles we will need.

A miracle is not the suspension of natural law, but the operation of a higher law. I know you'll keep the ball moving!

Here it goes. Throw it back to someone who means something to you!

A ball is a circle, no beginning, no end. It keeps us together like our Circle of Friends. But the treasure inside for you to see is the treasure of friendship you've granted to me.

Today I pass the friendship ball to you.

Pass it on to someone who is a friend to you.

MY OATH TO YOU...
When you are sad......I will dry your tears.

When you are scared.... .I will comfort your fears.

When you are worried.....I will give you hope.

When you are confused.....I will help you cope.

And when you are lost...And can't see the light, I shall be your beacon....Shining ever so bright.

This is my oath.....I pledge till the end.

Why you may ask?....Because you're my friend.

Signed: GOD

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Cathy is a whore. A whore-in-Christ.

2009-03-05T15:02:00.000-08:00

From: xxxxx@yahoo.com

Date: March 5, 2009 4:59:10 PM CST

To: xxxxx@gmail.com

Cc: xxxxx@tmail.com, xxxxx@gmail.com, xxxxx@tmail.com

Hi Cathy,

I'm writing this email because i want to ask for your forgiveness for how i acted towards you when I got involved with Dan. I was not a good friend to you during that time and I apologize for my insensitive actions. I hope that you are able to forgive me.

I also wanted to tell you that i forgive you for your part in the affair and Adam's deception. no matter how big or small of a role that you may have had I forgive you. i know i told you this before, but i truly understand it and mean it this time.

I pray that God is doing amazing things in your life and has healed you from all of the pain that you have been through.

Your Sister in Christ,

Valerie

These amazing, modern conveniences!

2008-11-01T08:09:00.001-07:00

From: "Xxxxx, Blaine"
Sent: Monday, September 15, 2008 7:38:26 AM
Subject: FW: DID YOU KNOW THIS INFORMATION?

Who ever looks at the end of your aluminum foil box? What a fantastic idea. Now, if someone would just make plastic wrap that didnt stick to itself. I've been using aluminum foil for more years than I care to remember. Great stuff, but sometimes it can be a pain. You know, like when you are in the middle of doing something and you try to pull some foil out and the roll comes out of the box. Then you have to put the roll back in the box and start over. The darn roll always comes out at the wrong time.

Well, I would like to share this with you. Yesterday I went to throw out an empty Reynolds foil box and for some reason I turned it and looked at the end of the box. And written on the end it said, Press here to lock end. Right there on the end of the box is a tab to lock the roll in place. How long has this little locking tab been there? I then looked at a generic brand of aluminum foil and it had one, too. I then looked at a box of Saran wrap and it had one too! I can't count the number of times the Saran wrap roll has jumped out when I was trying to cover something up.

I'm sharing this with my friends that did not know this. If you all ready know this, delete this message and don't e-mail me and make me feel dumber than I already feel.. If you didn't know this, e-mail me and let me know so I won't feel so dumb.

I hope I'm not the only person that didn't know about this.

I IMMEDIATELY WENT AND PUSHED IN ALL MY TABS...HA

Don't bother looking on snopes. This one is true I just looked and there were tabs on both sides of my Reynolds Wrap. Duh!!!!

Tarzan hates his mom. Also, guns. And civil liberties are worth protecting, so long as we're just talking about guns. Or something.

2008-11-01T08:05:00.000-07:00

From: Richard Xxxxx
Date: Sun, Oct 26, 2008 at 11:48 PM
Subject: Fw: THE TRUTH ABOUT "TARZAN"

Gang,
I'm not particularly fond of screaming preachers but the reverend is SPOT-ON. And if you don't have a program, Senator Tarzan is our pal Barack.
Long but worth the time.

http://www.atlah.org/broadcast/ndnr10-17-08.html

"An elected legislature can trample a man's rights as easily as a king can."
~ Mel Gibson as The Patriot Benjamin Martin
Which is why OBAMA DOES NOT WANT YOU TO SEE THIS VIDEO: WHY THEY WANT OUR GUNS!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j73SsNFgBO4

----- Original Message -----
From: Patricia Xxxxx
To: Undisclosed-Recipients
Sent: Sunday, October 26, 2008 9:13 PM
Subject: THE TRUTH ABOUT "TARZAN"

This will absolutely blow your mind!

http://www.atlah.org/broadcast/ndnr10-17-08.html

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Version: 8.0.175 / Virus Database: 270.8.3/1747 - Release Date: 10/26/2008 9:27 AM

Why don't any of these lazy fucks ever consider just TURNING OFF THEIR TELEVISIONS? Oh, wait...CSI is on.

2008-10-30T10:18:00.000-07:00

-----Original Message-----
From: xxxxx@aol.com
To: xxxxx@cox.net; xxxxx@yahoo.com; xxxxx@aol.com; xxxxx@yahoo.com; xxxxx@bellsouth.net; xxxxx@hotmail.com; xxxxx@gmail.com
Sent: Wed, 29 Oct 2008 10:07 pm
Subject: Fwd: Fw: ABC bans flag lapel pins

-----Original Message-----
From: Kathy Xxxxx
Sent: Wed, 29 Oct 2008 6:14 am
Subject: Fw: ABC bans flag lapel pins

----- Original Message -----
From: Justin
To: Undisclosed-Recipient:;
Sent: Tuesday, October 28, 2008 6:55 PM
Subject: ABC bans flag lapel pins

This should make your blood boil...it DOES mine!

ABC NEWS BANS FLAG LAPEL PINS!

YESTERDAY THE BRASS AT ABC NEWS ISSUED ORDERS FORBIDDING REPORTERS TO WEAR LAPEL PIN AMERICAN FLAGS OR OTHER PATRIOTIC INSIGNIA. THEIR REASONING WAS THAT ABC SHOULD REMAIN NEUTRAL ABOUT 'CAUSES'.

SINCE WHEN IS SUPPORT FOR PREVENTING DEATH AND DESTRUCTION SOME SORT OF A 'CAUSE'? SINCE WHEN IS PATRIOTISM TO BE DISCOURAGED?

I URGE YOU TO BOYCOTT ABC AND ITS SPONSORS AND AFFILIATES. WE ARE SLOWLY LOSING EVERYTHING OUR COUNTRY STANDS FOR AND EVERYTHING OUR MEN AND WOMEN FOUGHT AND DIED TO PRESERVE!

PLEASE FORWARD THIS TO AS MANY AS YOU CAN. THIS HAS BEEN VERIFIED THROUGH: http://www.snopes.com/rumors/noflags.asp

THIS ONE NEEDS TO GET OUT IF IT HASN'T ALREADY!

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McCain or Obama? Stay up to date on the latest from the campaign trail with AOL News.

Remember, kids: Priests can be ignorant assholes, too!

2008-10-30T10:14:00.000-07:00

-----Original Message-----
From: Jan XXXXX
To: TONY XXXXX ; tina xxxxx ; nathan xxxxx ; KELLY XXXXX ; Joseph xxxxx
Sent: Wed, 29 Oct 2008 5:49 pm
Subject: Fw: Fr. Glenn Xxxxx

From: Fr. Glenn Xxxxx

I will offer mass for the voters to do the right thing for thier country and their religious liberty. I will ask the haitian peasants also. I was very dismayed when, recently, a family member of mine said to me with great resignation that Obama will take the presidency. These words came from someone who in the past has been a great prayer warrior. 'What is happening?' was my question. Why are we Christians settling and not issuing a battle cry and falling to our knees and taking our country back? We allowed ourselves to be stripped of the right to pray at school functions and in school, we have the 10 commandments removed from government places and are told we cannot pray in school, all the while providing public prayer places for Muslims. What in the world is going on and why are we being apathetic? Why aren't we praying?

Our God is a mighty God who is waiting patiently for us to raise our voices to heaven to stop the tide of the anti-Christ actions in our world today. Now we find we have a charismatic candidate for president who does not respect our flag and refuses to wear one on his lapel except when it becomes politically expedient and whose own wife and pastor that he loves profess to have strong anti-white feelings, and we sit back and say 'it is a given, we can do nothing.' There has never been a time in 2000 years that we can do nothing, never a time that we must sit back and allow the evil in men's and women's hearts to take over our world. We should be very afraid because our apathy is leading us to perdition.

It is time for all Christian Americans to raise the battle cry and take our nation back. Maybe McCain on his own cannot defeat Obama, but our God can and He will if we take to our knees in prayer and raise a mighty cry to the heavens to 'Save us O Lord.' We have the power to change the course of this election and to keep a man as suspect as Barak Obama from leading our country to who knows where with his message of 'change' - a change which I fear will be away from our Christian ideals and away from Christ and further away from one nation under God to one nation under Allah.

We are great at passing stories and pictures around the Internet, but where are our prayers and prayer warriors praying to stop this tide of Obama? God parted the red sea, Jesus rose from the dead, and we can bring our country back to its Christian roots and stop the move to the rise of Muslims in our country. We can stop our country from being 'under Allah,' but we must begin to pray, to pray as if our country and our lives depended on it, because they do. We can stop all these atrocities against God's commands that have taken root in our country through something as simple as sincere prayer, a call to God to deliver us, to forgive us our sins of apathy, and to protect us from the evil that is upon us.

Okay prayer warriors, here is your challenge - start those prayer chains. Get the spiritual power working on our behalf and stop Obama the proper way, by calling on our God to save us from the deception that charismatic preaching is using to lead us on the wrong path. Stop those who would take God out of our country and our government. Rise up good men to lead us and protect us. George Bush is being buffeted because he has fought a holy war against the evils that attack us and we should not be surprised because a prophet is not honored in his own country. But we should not rest on our laurels and allow ourselves to be taken further off the path of Christianity and to have God removed from our presence in our schools, courts, government, and businesses. Invite God into the fray. Ask that His power rest upon us and give us the victory. Ask him to rise up a might army to defend us and to protect our country as he did in days of old. ; Let us be victorious beginning NOW. The battle is His but we must call on Him without ceasing and unite our voices and hearts in prayer.

Please pass this around to all people of prayer that you know and maybe, just maybe, a more eloquent person of prayer will write something better and more inspiring and even the rocks will shout that Jesus is Lord and our Mighty God is with us, bringing the victory for us and ultimately for Him.

'Be joyful always, pray continually, and give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.' I Thes. 5:16-18

A Blessing from my heart
Fr. Glenn Xxxxx, SOLT
SOLT Haiti Mission
140 Rue Beauregard Suite A
Lafayette, La. 70508
Cell: 337.652.XXXX / Sue Xxxxx 337.654.XXXX
Website: www.xxxxx.org

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Who says mixed media art is too esoteric?

2008-10-22T09:06:00.000-07:00

From: xxxxx@hotmail.com
Subject: early photo of feather room dress entity
Date: October 22, 2008 11:02:03 AM CDT
To: xxxxx@gmail.com, xxxxx@gmail.com
--------------------------------------------------

Hi Catherine,
I'm a post-bac at MICA with your husband with Philip. I was considering doing a project with feathers and Philip mentioned you've done a lot with feathers. I was wondering if you might share some photos of what you've done, if you have some and share your experience. How far the feathers stretched for you and so on. I would so, so appreciate it.

Sincerely,

Rebecca XXXXX

--------------------------------------------------
Want to read Hotmail messages in Outlook? The Wordsmiths show you how. Learn Now

Dude, it took me six minutes to READ it...

2008-10-21T17:36:00.000-07:00

From: xxxxx, Latina L [CLIMATE/AC/NAT]
Sent: Thursday, September 25, 2008 4:37 PM
To: xxxxx, Rose M [CLIMATE/AC/NAT]; xxxxx, Lula M [CLIMATE/AC/NAT]; xxxxx, Charmaine C [CLIMATE/AC/NAT]; xxxxx, Valeria Y [External/Remedy Staffing]; xxxxx, Germaine D [CLIMATE/AC/NAT]; Rachal, Cindy S [CLIMATE/NAT]; xxxxx, Terri L [CLIMATE/AC/NAT]; xxxxx, Delisa [CLIMATE/AC/NAT]; xxxxx, Priscilla A [CLIMATE/AC/NAT]; xxxxx@gmail.com; xxxxx@aol.com; xxxxx, Anastasia [CLIMATE/AC/NAT]
Subject: FW: Yellow Shirt (don't delete)

The yellow shirt had long sleeves, four extra-large pockets trimmed in black thread
and snaps up the front. It was faded from years of wear, but still in decent shape. I found it in 1963 when I was home from college on Christmas break, rummaging through bags of clothes Mom intended to give away. 'You're not taking that old thing, are you?' Mom said when she saw me packing the yellow shirt. 'I wore that when I was pregnant with your brother in 1954!'

'It's just the thing to wear over my clothes during art class, Mom. Thanks!' I slipped it into my suitcase before she could object. The yellow shirt be came a part of my college wardrobe. I loved it. After graduation, I wore the shirt the day I moved into my new apartment and on Saturday mornings when I cleaned.

The next year, I married. When I became pregnant, I wore the yellow shirt during big-belly days. I missed Mom and the rest of my family, since we were in Colorado and they were in Illinois But that shirt helped. I smiled, remembering that Mother had worn it when she was pregnant, 15 years earlier.

That Christmas, mindful of the warm feelings the shirt had given me, I patched one elbow, wrapped it in holiday paper and sent it to Mom. When Mom wrote to thank me for her 'real' gifts, she said the yellow shirt was lovely. She never mentioned it again.

The next year, my husband, daughter and I stopped at Mom and Dad's to pick up some furniture. Days later, when we uncrated the kitchen table, I noticed something yellow taped to its bottom. The shirt!

And so the pattern was set.

On our next visit home, I secretly placed the shirt under Mom and Dad's mattress. I don't know how long it took for her to find it, but almost two years passed before I discovered it under the base of our living-room floor lamp. The yellow shirt was just what I needed now while refinishing furniture. The walnut stains added character.

In 1975 my husband and I divorced. With my three children, I prepared to move back to Illinois . As I packed, a deep depression overtook me. I wondered if I could make it on my own. I wondered if I would find a job. I paged through the Bible, looking for comfort. In Ephesians, I read, 'So use every piece of God's armor to resist the enemy whenever he attacks, and when it is all over, you will be standing up.'

I tried to picture myself wearing God's armor, but all I saw was the stained yellow shirt. Slowly, it dawned on me. Wasn't my mother's love a piece of God's armor? My courage was renewed.

Unpacking in our new home, I knew I had to get the shirt back to Mother. The next time I visited her, I tucked it in her bottom dresser drawer.

Meanwhile, I found a good job at a radio station. A year later I discovered the yellow shirt hidden in a rag bag in my cleaning closet.

Something new had been added. Embroidered in bright green across the breast pocket were the words 'I BELONG TO PAT.'

Not to be outdone, I got out my own embroidery materials and added an apostrophe and seven more letters. Now the shirt proudly proclaimed, 'I BELONG TO PAT'S MOTHER.' But I didn't stop there. I zig-zagged all the frayed seams, then had a friend mail the shirt in a fancy box to Mom from Arlington , VA. We enclosed an official looking letter from 'The Institute for the Destitute,' announcing that she was the recipient of an award for good deeds. I would have given anything to see Mom's face when she opened the box. But, of course, she never mentioned it.

Two years later, in 1978, I remarried. The day of our wedding, Harold and I put our car in a friend's garage to avoid practical jokers. After the wedding, while my husband drove us to our honeymoon suite, I reached for a pillow in the car to rest my head. It felt lumpy. I unzipped the case and found, wrapped in wedding paper, the yellow shirt. Inside a pocket was a note: 'Read John 14:27-29. I love you both, Mother.'

That night I paged through the Bible in a hotel room and found the verses: 'I am leaving you with a gift: peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give isn't fragile like the peace the world gives. So don't be troubled or afraid. Remember what I told you: I am going away, but I will come back to you again. If you really love me, you will be very happy for me, for now I can go to the Father, who is greater than I am. I have told you these things before they happen so that when they do, you will believe in me.'

The shirt was Mother's final gift. She had known for three months that she had terminal Lou Gehrig's disease. Mother died the following year at age 57.

I was tempted to send the yellow shirt with her to her grave. But I'm glad I didn't, because it is a vivid reminder of the love-filled game she and I played for 16 years. Besides, my older daughter is in college now, majoring in art. And every art student needs a baggy yellow shirt with big pockets.

You have 6 minutes....

There's some mighty fine advice in these words, even if you're not superstitious. This Lotus Totus has been sent To you for good luck from the Anthony Robbins organization. It has been sent around the world ten times so Far. You will receive good luck within four days of relaying this Lotus Totus.

Do not keep this message. The Lotus Totus must leave your hands in 6 MINUTES.

Otherwise you will get a very unpleasant surprise. This is true, even if you are not superstitious, agnostic, or otherwise faith impaired.

Now, here's the FUN part!

1-4 people: Your life will improve slightly.

5-9 people: Your life will improve to your liking.

9-14 people: You will have at least 5 surprises in the next 3 weeks

15 and above: Your life will improve drastically and everything you ever dreamed of will begin to take shape.

A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your heart .

****************************************************************
The information contained in this e-mail (along with any attachments) is intended only for the use of the individual(s) to whom it is addressed. It is confidential and may contain privileged information. If the reader of this message is not the intended recipient, you are hereby notified that you should not read its contents, and any dissemination, distribution, or copying of this communication is strictly prohibited. If you have received it in error, please immediately (1) delete this transmission and any attachments and (2) notify info@pilgrimspride.com to advise us of the error. THIS E-MAIL IS NOT AN OFFER OR ACCEPTANCE: Notwithstanding the Uniform Electronic Transactions Act or any other law of similar import, absent an express statement to the contrary contained in this e-mail, neither this e-mail nor any attachments are an offer or acceptance to enter into a contract, and are not intended to bind the sender, Pilgrims Pride Corporation, or any of its subsidiaries, or any other person or entity. ****************************************************************
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D in Algebra; A+ in Pandering!

2008-10-21T16:34:00.001-07:00

From: XXXXX@aol.com
Subject: (no subject)
Date: October 19, 2008 1:26:05 PM CDT
To: xxxxx@gmail.com
---------------------------------------------------------------------

THANK YOU FOR BEING A GOOD TEACHER. ALSO I SAW MY GRADE I'M DISAPPOINTED IN MY SELF I THOUGHT I KNEW IT I WASN'T FEELING WELL I KNOW THAT IS NOT AN EXCUSE. I WILL STUDY HARDER BECAUSE YOU ARE A GREAT TEACHER I WILL DO BETTER. THANK YOU

---------------------------------------------------------------------
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Quick, someone send this to Paulson!

2008-10-12T08:36:00.000-07:00

From: xxxxx@aol.com
Sent: Friday, October 03, 2008 9:14 AM
To: xxxxx@cox.net; xxxxx@bellsouth.net; xxxxx@hotmail.com; xxxxx@yahoo.com; xxxxx@mac.com; xxxxx@yahoo.com; xxxxx@gmail.com; xxxxx@tampabay.rr.com; xxxxx@aol.com; xxxxx@gmail.com
Subject: financial blessing

I claim it for you - now claim it for me. God has more than a thousand ways to provide for us, that we know nothing about.
Here is your financial blessing! It's a simple prayer, you have 60
Seconds?
Don't sleep on this...Someone recently read this for the first time and
Received exactly enough for a $0 balance on all credit cards.

If you need a financial blessing, continue reading this e-mail.

Heavenly Father, most Gracious and Loving God, I pray to you that you Abundantly bless my family and me. I know that you recognize, that a Family is more than just a mother, father, sister, brother, husband and Wife, but all who believe and trust in You..!

GOD, I send up a prayer request for financial blessing for not only the Person who sent this to me, but for me, my family and all that I have forwarded this message on to. And that the power of joined prayer by those who Believe and trust in you is more powerful than anything. I thank you in Advance for your blessings. God, deliver the person reading this right Now from debt and debt burdens.

Release your Godly wisdom that I may be a good steward over all that you Have given me GOD, for I know how wonderful and mighty you are and how
If we just obey you and walk in your word and have the faith of a
Mustard seed that you will pour out blessings. I thank you now Lord for The recent blessings I have received and for the blessings yet to come Because I know you are not done with me yet. Amen

TAKE 60 SECONDS and send this on quickly and within hours, you will have Caused a multitude of people to pray to God for each other. Then sit Back and watch the power of God work in your life for doing the thing That you know He loves.

Peace and Blessings....
Have Faith

---------------------------------------
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Checked by AVG - http://www.avg.com
Version: 8.0.173 / Virus Database: 270.7.5/1704 - Release Date: 10/2/2008 9:35 PM

Wakkity-schmakkity-doooo...

2008-10-02T14:38:00.000-07:00

(You'll need to click the image below to read it...)

We enthusiastically embrace our redneck heritage!

2008-10-02T14:25:00.000-07:00

-----Original Message-----
From: xxxxxx@emerson.com
To: xxxxx@aol.com; xxxxx@hotmail.com; xxxxx@gmail.com
Sent: Thu, 2 Oct 2008 9:57 am
Subject: FW: Fwd: You are a Louisianan if

You are a Louisianan if...

1. You can properly pronounce Lecompte, Lafayette, Ponchatoula, Natchitoches, Opelousas, Shongaloo, Tangipahoa, Pontchartrain, Avoyelles, Times Picayune, Lafourche, Ouachita, and Atchafalaya, and you know that New Orleans doesn't have a long 'E' sound anywhere in it..

2. You think other people who complain about the heat in their states are sissies.

3. Newspapers make the best table cloths when setting the table for a crawfish boil.

4. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor or a sugar cane truck on the highway.

5. You've had to switch from 'heat' to 'A/C' all on the same day.

6. You know that the true value of a parking space is not determined by the distance to the door, but by the availability of shade.

7. Stores don't have bags, they have sacks.

8. You've seen people e wear bib overalls or LSU shirts at funerals.

9. You think everyone from a bigger city has an accent.

10. You measure distance in minutes, not miles.

11. Little Smokies and anything on a Ritz cracker are something you serve only on special occasions.

12. You go to the lake because you think it is kind of like going to the ocean.

13. You listen to the weather forecast before picking out an outfit to wear each day.

14. You know cow pies are not made of beef.

15. People you know have used an LSU or Saint's football schedule to plan their wedding date.

16. You have known someone who has a belt buckle bigger than your fist.

17. A bad traffic jam involves two cars staring each other down at a four-way stop, each determined to be the most polite and let the other go first.

18. You aren't surprised to find movie rentals, ammunition, beer, pickled pig's feet, and bait all in the same store.

19. Your 'place at the lake' has wheels under it or 8 foot pilings.

20. A Mercedes Benz isn't a status symbol. A Chevy or Ford Extended Bed Crew Cab is.

21. You know everything goes better with ' Tabasco '.

22. You learned how to shoot a gun and bait a hook before you learned how to multiply.

23. You actually get these jokes and are 'fixin' to send them to your friends before 'makin' groceries, or goin' by your mama's.

24. Red beans and rice are ALWAYS served on Mondays.

25. Po-Boys have nothing to do with one's economic status.

26. Katrina and Rita are no longer acceptable names for newborn baby girls.

27. AND THE 'F' WORD is now pronounced FEMA.

Finally, you are a 100% Louisianan if you have EVER had this conversation:

'You wanna Coke?'
'Yeah.'
'What kind?'
'Dr. Pepper'

-----------------------------------

CONFIDENTIALITY NOTICE
The information in this email may be confidential and/or privileged. This email is intended to be reviewed by only the addressee(s) named above. If you are not the intended recipient, you are hereby notified that any review, dissemination, copying, use or storage of this email and its attachments, if any, or the information contained herein is prohibited. If you have received this email in error, please immediately notify the sender by return email and delete this email from your system. Thank you.

-----------------------------------

Find phone numbers fast with the New AOL Yellow Pages!

Ooh, yeah...gotta watch out for the burglar rapist. He's the worst.

2008-10-02T14:23:00.000-07:00

From: SHERYL
Subject: FW: GREAT IDEAS!!!!
Date: Wed, 1 Oct 2008 17:43:05 -0500

I think this very good advice---worth passing along.

PUT YOUR CAR KEYS BESIDE YOUR BED AT NIGHT

Tell your spouse, your children, your neighbors, your parents, your Dr., the check-out girl at the market, everyone you run across.

Put your car keys beside your bed at night. If you hear a noise outside your home or someone trying to get in your house, just press the panic button for your car. The alarm will be set off, and the horn will continue to sound until either you turn it off or the car battery dies.

This tip came from a neighborhood watch coordinator Next time you come home for the night and you start to put your keys away, think of this:

It's a security alarm system that you probably already have and requires no installation. Test it. It will go off from most everywhere inside your house and will keep honking until your battery runs down or until you reset it with the button on the key fob chain. It works if you park in your driveway or garage If your car alarm goes off when someone is trying to break in your house, odds are the burglar rapist won't stick around... after a few seconds all the neighbors will be looking out their windows to see who is out there and sure enough the criminal won't want that. And remember to carry your keys while walking to your car in a parking lot. The alarm can work the same way there .... This is something that should really be shared with everyone. Maybe it could save a life or a sexual abuse crime.

P.S. I am send ing this to everyone I know because I think it is fantastic. Would also be useful for any emergency, such as a heart attack, where you can't reach a phone. My Mom has suggested to my Dad that he carry his car keys with him in case he falls outside and she doesn't hear him. He can activate the car alarm and then she'll know there's a problem.

----------------------------------------

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Checked by AVG - http://www.avg.com
Version: 8.0.169 / Virus Database: 270.7.3/1691 - Release Date: 9/25/2008 7:23 PM

I seriously fucking hope the subject line was artificially inflated.

2008-10-01T07:07:00.000-07:00

-----Original Message-----
From: shane s
To: s
Sent: Mon, 29 Sep 2008 7:15 pm
Subject: Number 11369543

> PRAY THIS EVEN IF YOU DON'T FEEL LIKE IT!!
>
> IT WILL ONLY TAKE A MINUTE.
>
> I started not to do this, but as I read it....
>
> I understood God to say,
> "You need a miracle tomorrow"
>
> so here goes....Prov. 29:25
>
> You never know when God is going to bless you!!
>
> Good things happen when you least expect them to !!!!!!!!
>
> Change the number in the subject box when you forward it by adding one!!!
>
> Dear Lord, I thank You for this day,
> I thank You for my being able to see
> and to hear this morning.
>
> I'm blessed because You are
> a forgiving God and
> an understanding God.
>
> You have done so much for me
> and You keep on blessing me.
>
> Forgive me this day for everything
> I have done, said or thought
> that was not pleasing to you.
>
> I ask now for Your forgiveness.
>
> Please keep me safe
> from all danger and harm.
>
> Help me to start this day
> with a new attitude and plenty of gratitude.
>
> Let me make the best of each and every day
> to clear my mind so that I can hear from You.
>
> Please broaden my mind
> that I can accept all things.
>
> Let me not whine and whimper
> over things I have no control over.
>
> And give me the best response
> when I'm pushed beyond my limits.
>
> I know that when I can't pray,
> You listen to my heart.
>
> Continue to use me to do Your will.
>
> Continue to bless me that I may be
> a blessing to others.
>
> Keep me strong that I may help the weak...
>
> Keep me uplifted that I may have
> words of encouragement for others.
>
> I pray for those that are lost
> and can't find their way.
>
> I pray for those that are misjudged
> and misunderstood.
>
> I pray for those who
> don't know You intimately.
>
> I pray for those that will delete this
> without sharing it with others
>
> I pray for those that don't believe.
>
> But I thank You that I believe
> that God changes people and
> God changes things.
>
> I pray for all my sisters and brothers.
> For each and every family member
> in their households.
>
> I pray for peace, love and joy
> in their homes; that they are out of debt
> and all their needs are met.
>
> I pray that every eye that reads this
> knows there is no problem, circumstance,
> or situation greater than God.
>
> Every battle is in Your hands for You to fight.
>
> I pray that these words be received
> into the hearts of every eye that sees it
> in Jesus' name. Amen!
>
> If you prayed this prayer,
> change the number in the subject box
> before forwarding the message
> so people can see how many
> other people have done so.
>
> God Bless ! ! ! ! !
>
> Just repeat this phrase and see how God moves!!
>
> God I love you and I need you,
> come into my heart, please.
>
> God will bless you.
> Know that you are already blessed
> by the person who sent this to you.
> Love & Peace To You My Friend!!

Find phone numbers fast with the New AOL Yellow Pages!

Confused, elderly, ethnic people say the darnedest things!

2008-10-01T07:06:00.000-07:00

I can't believe you live there, either!

2008-09-25T11:19:00.000-07:00

Oh, wedding shower. Damn.

2008-09-25T10:47:00.001-07:00

Lesbian slumber party or wedding shower?

2008-09-25T10:45:00.000-07:00

So what's this all about, then?

2008-09-25T10:18:00.001-07:00

In the past, when I relied solely on my custom domain and @yahoo addresses for email, I rarely received messages intended for others. Yes, the spam always found its way into my inbox. But honest-to-goodness emails from real humans intended to go to someone else? Rare.

But once I set up my @gmail account, using my first initial and my (apparently semi-common) last name, the crap started flowing. I now get messages for Cindy, or Candy, or Chuck. Whatever.

It wouldn't be a big deal and I wouldn't be posting it if much of this junk didn't routinely come from a handful of people that I have attempted to contact. My emails explaining that I am not, in fact, their relative but instead some guy they do not know seem to fall on deaf, or perhaps slightly mentally challenged, ears.

Also, these emails are so consistent in their ridiculousness. Forwarded stories that were debunked by Snopes.com years ago, or lame updates of old jokes with the latest liberal political figures as the punchline, or religion-for-retards folksy bullshit. No one ever mistakenly sends me top secret plans or photos of scantily-clad attractive people. Nope. Just kittens and bible verses.

Instead of just deleting them, I'm going to start posting these emails on this blog. I make no guarantees that they'll be interesting or funny. I do promise that, when taken as a whole, they will help remind you that we as Americans are surrounded by some truly unintelligent people.

~~Cindy~~ ~~Candy~~ ~~Chuck~~ Chris

Women are so flighty!

2008-09-25T10:17:00.001-07:00

Sadly, AOL's email servers have no anti-irony filter.

2008-09-25T10:10:00.000-07:00

Let's put the "god" back in "unbe-goddamned-lievable"

2008-09-25T10:04:00.000-07:00

-----Original Message-----
From: xxxxxxx@aol.com
To: xxxxxxx@LA.GOV; xxxxxxx@cox.net; xxxxxxx@yahoo.com; xxxxxxx@bellsouth.net; xxxxxxx@aol.com; xxxxxxx@botruc.com; xxxxxxx@gmail.com; xxxxxxx@bellsouth.net; xxxxxxx@yahoo.com; xxxxxxx@hotmail.com
Sent: Wed, 17 Sep 2008 4:58 pm
Subject: Fwd: FW: Memorial

-----Original Message-----
From: Butch Passman
To: xxxxxxx@aol.com
Sent: Wed, 17 Sep 2008 4:32 pm
Subject: FW: Memorial

HI Mitch…thought you would appreciate this too.

Subject: Memorials
--------

I found this interesting enough to pass
along, please read.

This should make it 'around' until
everyone wakes up!

SHALL WE HIRE A MONUMENT ENGRAVER TO GO TO ARLINGTON NATIONAL CEMETERY AND ADD THE MISSING WORDS ?

A MESSAGE FROM AN APPAL LED
OBSERVER:

Today I went to visit the new World War II Memorial in Washington, DC I got an unexpected history les son Because I'm a baby boomer, I was one of the youngest in the crowd. Most were the age of my parents, Veterans of 'the greatest war,' with their families. It was a beautiful day, and people were smiling and happy to be there. Hundreds of us milled around the memorial, reading the inspiring words of Eisenhower and Truman that are engraved there.

On the Pacific side of the memorial, a group of us gathered to read the words President Roosevelt used to announce the attack on Pearl Harbor:

Yesterday, December 7, 1941-- a date which will live in infamy--the United States of America was suddenly and deliberately attacked.

One elderly woman read the words aloud:

'With confidence in our armed forces, with the abounding determination of our people, we will gain the inevitable triumph.'

But as she read, she was suddenly turned angry. 'Wait a minute,' she said, 'they left out the end of the quote.. They left out the most important part. Roosevelt ended the message with 'so help us God.'

Her husband said , 'You are probably right. We're not supposed to say things like that now.'

  'I know I'm right,' she insisted. 'I remember the speech.' The two looked d ismayed, shook their heads sadly and walked away

Listening to their conversation, I thought to myself, Well, it has been over 50 years she's probably forgotten.'

But she had not forgotten. She was right.

I went home and pulled out the book my book club is reading --- 'Flags of Our Fathers' by James Bradley. It's all about the battle at Iwo Jima.  I haven't gotten too far in the book. It's tough to read because it's a graphic description of the WWII battles in the Pacific.

But right there it was on page 58. Roosevelt's speech to the nation ends in 'so help us God.'

The people who edited out that part of the speech when they engraved it on the memorial could have fooled me. I was born after the war! But they couldn't fool the people who were there. Roosevelt's words are engraved on their hearts

Now I ask: 'WHO GAVE THEM THE RIGHT TO CHANGE THE WORDS OF HISTORY??????'

Send this around to your friends People nee d to kno w before everyone forgets.

People today are trying to change the history of America by leaving God out of it, but the truth is, God has been a part of this nation, sinc e the beginning. He still wants to be...and He always will be!

If you agree, pass this on. If not, 'May God Bless YOU!'

'Wake up AMERICA, It's Time we take our Country Back'

Hah, yer fat.

2008-09-25T09:58:00.001-07:00

JOMG KITTEN QUOTES THE BIBLE!

2008-09-25T09:54:00.000-07:00

Obama! He's so DUMB!

2008-09-25T09:50:00.000-07:00